4 posts tagged “novel”

Wow, first post of 09, lots of pressure - but I have to say, this year is starting off wonderfully! Only one bad thing has happened so far and I sort of need to get it out of the way: I almost threw up at Bikram yoga. I don't know if it's just being out of shape, or the fact that I had some peanut butter toast 2 hours before class ( I really need to not eat before class at all. like, it must be about 5 hours before class or something...) So anyway, i'm in class and I start to feel really lightheaded and panicky and I'll looking at my yoga mat like I'm going to hurl on it. So I run out of the room, take a bunch of cool air deep breaths and realize that I have to go back, this is ridiculous. I can't just leave after 20 minutes of a 90 minute class. So I go back in and the instructor says to me, "Did you throw up?" in front of everyone. I really wanted to die. If throwing up is my top 1 least favorite thing to do, then being embarassed in front of a group of people is my top 2nd least favorite thing to do. I shook my head no, and then thought I was going to throw up again out of embarassment.

But in the spirit of starting the new year off right, I always like to make myself a little list of things that I want for the new year.  This year I also want to do something a little different, look back at last year and how much happened. I feel like that's always pretty amazing what can happen in a year.

Things that happened:

My amazing boyfriend, we just celebrated our one year anniversary at the end of November. The best thing he said to me over the holidays was, "Sometimes I feel like we've only been going out a few months." and he meant it in a good way, not a wow, who the hell are you??? kind of way... I think... Anyway, he makes me really happy

I got Rattle and Bark off the ground. OK, not far off the ground, but up and running and in the name of Rattle and Bark I've taught myself embroidery and I'm about to teach myself (this week in fact!) printing with linoleum blocks so I can do some gretting cards and print on canvas bags and stuff.

I let some stuff go this year. Just released it into the wind and sometimes it does hang over me still, but for the most part I feel like I've been able to work on some stuff that's really tripped me up in the past.

I finished the first draft of my screenplay. I have to go back to it and start on the second draft - and soon, but hey, I got my first draft done.

Things that I want to happen in the new year:

1. I want to be more productive with the projects I love. I've had a rush of ideas in the New Year - partly inspired by the new medium that I've been experimenting with, and will continue to experiment with, but I need to do more. Like Sigourney Weaver said to Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, "Who makes it happen Tess?" and Tess says, "I make it happen." Corny, but true. This year, I'm going to make it happen. Without the shoulder pads and big hair though...

2. I want to be a better friend and a better girlfriend. This is something that goes on the list every year. Well, the friend part does, I've never had a boyfriend who made me want to be a better girlfriend before...

3. Take charge of my life more. If I want it to be different I have to change it, but be smart about it.

4. Final drafts. Or at least second drafts... the screenplay and the novel. It's time... Last year was all about gutting the novel and building the screenplay's skeleton. Now it's time to put it all together. 

First of all, I have to gush about the boyfriend for a second. Last night I went out with a client for a work drink, then went to my guy's place for dinner - when I got there he had made me this fantastic dinner - flank steak, amazingly good mashed potatoes, and spicy broccoli rabe. It was one of those perfect, simple, delicious meals that makes you feel really loved. Then after dinner he pulled up my dog website - the person I've hired to design it sent me a preliminary home page to look at -  wohoo! and he showed me a few things that we could change with it and talked to me about how we could make it better. Oh, also he said one of the funniest things I've heard all week: I was looking at the page at work during the day and IM-ed him, "Is it too cutesy?" and he wrote back, "Um, you're selling tiny t-shirts for little dogs to wear..." or something along those lines. 

This is something my bikram yoga teacher said this morning in class. It's her philosophy regarding yoga practice - that she tries to be as disciplined as she can about the postures, but if she falls or whatever, she doesn't beat herself up. Discipline Lite. I like it. I feel like this applies to how I feel about my writing and exercise and things I want to do in general. Oh and also my overall attitude toward cookies... 

So I decided I was going to write this morning. Here's how this usually goes: I wake up and immediately put on a pot of coffee. I stand near the coffee machine and tap my slippered toe while the pot gurgles to life. I take a glance in the cutlery drawer because it is easier to clean up exploded bugs when I am only half awake. No bugs. This is a good morning. Then sugar goes into the cup, coffee goes into the cup and I walk over to my laptop. First I turn on CNN, telling myself that the problems of the world are more important than my writing. I hear Sarah Palin talking about Obama paling around with terrorists. I turn off the TV and turn my attention to the computer. More sips of coffee. Then I pull up my novel on the computer and immediately think that I cannot possibly write directly into the computer. I have to begin longhand, get the ole joints involved. So I pull out my hard copy of my novel that has my notes on it in ten different colors of ink. I sigh. Some of the notes have exclamation points at the end of them. I put it down. What kind of asshole writes notes with exclamation points to themselves? I wonder. At this point I am almost defeated. I should have gone for a run, I think. At least get some exercise.  No, it's too late to go for a run, I have to get something down. So I look at my hard copy and I turn to page two. This is where I need to plant the seed that I've been thinking about. Right here on page two. I make a note to myself on the yellow legal pad next to me: "Pg. 2, first paragraph:" and I'm off and running. I start writing and all of a sudden I'm writing as fast as I can and the words are flowing and I can feel it - this pin prick that I've started is actually drawing blood. This is the good stuff, this is what I need to say. This is what this novel is really about.

I've spent a week since I figured out what I needed to do with this novel I've been at work, or lying in bed or on the subway and I'll remember a scene from the novel and I'll understand what I need to change to make this thing make sense. I don't mean to glorify this or to brag about it, it just feels really good to know where this thing is going... I feel like I've tried to swing this novel in two different directions - one where it's really really heavy and I'm so lost in that that I can't even move. And then one that's so light that it doesn't hold my interest, it's all plot and fluff. I feel like I know how to make this one novel now.