5 posts tagged “boyfriend”

Ok, it's been a long time since I posted anything but I'm having one of those moments. I'm sitting in my apartment for the last time. Tomorrow I move into a new apartment with my boyfriend. Well, I move in tomorrow, he moves in in about two weeks. So I'm sitting in my apartment for the last time. the thing that I've been thinking about, not just now, but for the last month or so since we signed the lease, is that, if this works out (with the boyfriend) then this is the last time I will ever live alone. EVER. I love living alone. I also love my boyfriend. I'm ready to take the next step with him. There's just something about that idea of leaving behind a stage of your life. It feels exactly like the last night at home before I went off to college. The night before I left for college I hung out with my then-best-friend Imogene. We went to the movies and went out to dinner and smoked cigarettes in her car and didn't talk about what was happening the next day. We tried to be in the moment, just being ourselves, who we were at that moment and who we would never be again - high school friends who lived in our parents homes, by our parents rules. We were girls. We didn't know what it was like to pay our own rent. We didn't know what it was like to find work that would support us and to get paychecks made out to us and to be worried about being laid off. And we knew, sitting in my car, smoking our Camel lights and debating about how many calories the nicotine would help us burn, that this part of our life was over. We were leaving behind adolescence.

So what am I leaving behind right now? This post-college, I have a job that I sort of like now, friends who I've built a family of sorts with, a city that I love and hate. Nothing is really changing. But it is. Something big is changing. I'm leaving something behind but I'm also entering something new and big. Maybe that's scarier than leaving something behind. Maybe it's easier to be nostalgic about what you're leaving than to really understand what you're getting into. 

Wow, first post of 09, lots of pressure - but I have to say, this year is starting off wonderfully! Only one bad thing has happened so far and I sort of need to get it out of the way: I almost threw up at Bikram yoga. I don't know if it's just being out of shape, or the fact that I had some peanut butter toast 2 hours before class ( I really need to not eat before class at all. like, it must be about 5 hours before class or something...) So anyway, i'm in class and I start to feel really lightheaded and panicky and I'll looking at my yoga mat like I'm going to hurl on it. So I run out of the room, take a bunch of cool air deep breaths and realize that I have to go back, this is ridiculous. I can't just leave after 20 minutes of a 90 minute class. So I go back in and the instructor says to me, "Did you throw up?" in front of everyone. I really wanted to die. If throwing up is my top 1 least favorite thing to do, then being embarassed in front of a group of people is my top 2nd least favorite thing to do. I shook my head no, and then thought I was going to throw up again out of embarassment.

But in the spirit of starting the new year off right, I always like to make myself a little list of things that I want for the new year.  This year I also want to do something a little different, look back at last year and how much happened. I feel like that's always pretty amazing what can happen in a year.

Things that happened:

My amazing boyfriend, we just celebrated our one year anniversary at the end of November. The best thing he said to me over the holidays was, "Sometimes I feel like we've only been going out a few months." and he meant it in a good way, not a wow, who the hell are you??? kind of way... I think... Anyway, he makes me really happy

I got Rattle and Bark off the ground. OK, not far off the ground, but up and running and in the name of Rattle and Bark I've taught myself embroidery and I'm about to teach myself (this week in fact!) printing with linoleum blocks so I can do some gretting cards and print on canvas bags and stuff.

I let some stuff go this year. Just released it into the wind and sometimes it does hang over me still, but for the most part I feel like I've been able to work on some stuff that's really tripped me up in the past.

I finished the first draft of my screenplay. I have to go back to it and start on the second draft - and soon, but hey, I got my first draft done.

Things that I want to happen in the new year:

1. I want to be more productive with the projects I love. I've had a rush of ideas in the New Year - partly inspired by the new medium that I've been experimenting with, and will continue to experiment with, but I need to do more. Like Sigourney Weaver said to Melanie Griffith in Working Girl, "Who makes it happen Tess?" and Tess says, "I make it happen." Corny, but true. This year, I'm going to make it happen. Without the shoulder pads and big hair though...

2. I want to be a better friend and a better girlfriend. This is something that goes on the list every year. Well, the friend part does, I've never had a boyfriend who made me want to be a better girlfriend before...

3. Take charge of my life more. If I want it to be different I have to change it, but be smart about it.

4. Final drafts. Or at least second drafts... the screenplay and the novel. It's time... Last year was all about gutting the novel and building the screenplay's skeleton. Now it's time to put it all together. 

First of all, I have to gush about the boyfriend for a second. Last night I went out with a client for a work drink, then went to my guy's place for dinner - when I got there he had made me this fantastic dinner - flank steak, amazingly good mashed potatoes, and spicy broccoli rabe. It was one of those perfect, simple, delicious meals that makes you feel really loved. Then after dinner he pulled up my dog website - the person I've hired to design it sent me a preliminary home page to look at -  wohoo! and he showed me a few things that we could change with it and talked to me about how we could make it better. Oh, also he said one of the funniest things I've heard all week: I was looking at the page at work during the day and IM-ed him, "Is it too cutesy?" and he wrote back, "Um, you're selling tiny t-shirts for little dogs to wear..." or something along those lines. 

My fabulous boyfriend made me venison for dinner last night. I've never had venison before and I was really excited/nervous about it. What if I didn't like it? (Note: I needn't have worried about this - my boyfriend had a ribeye steak waiting in the fridge in case I didn't like the venison... can we just, I mean for a moment here, reflect on how amazing this guy is? Seriously folks, this is the real deal. A back up ribeye??? It brings a tear to the eye... That, my friends, is romance) OK, back to the deer - so it was delicious - my BF made this great rub to go on it and it tasted to me like a combination between steak and lamb, which are my two favorite meats of all time. So, I loved it, but at one point I did get a little freaked out by it. Why was this? Is it the old vegeterian in me, rearing her awkward/rebellious  adolescent head? (Another note: I once became a vegan in high school to piss off my family. It totally worked. If you're a teenager living at home, looking to piss everyone off, this is the most effective method I have found.) 

The weirdest thing happened Sunday night - I woke up at around 2:30 and heard a noise in my studio apartment that sounded like someone was turning a key in my door. I totally freaked out and ran over to the door but couldn't see anyone out of the peephole and the lock wasn't moving. I figured I must have been hallucinating so I went back to bed - then the same thing happens like 30 minutes later. And it sounds exactly like a key turning in a lock, which, especially since I'm on the ground floor, was super super scary. My first thought was: It's the bugs. I don't know how, but it's the bugs. I'm being haunted by the ghosts of bugs past. In my mind I did a mental tally of how many bugs I have killed since all this began whether by shoe or broom or magazine slapping, or poison... I figured roughly 700 billion. OK, that's totally enough bug ghosts to make a ghost key in lock sound. AND given that these bugs are assholes, it is TOTALLY something they would do....