1 post tagged “america's next top model”

First of all, just so I don't bury the lead, the dog site is up!!!

www.rattleandbark.com

Take a look! Please let me know what you think... there are still things I want to improve, but please forward to all your small-dog-having buddies!

And now, in other news...

It's been a really really strange few weeks. I haven't written because things have felt so up in the air. A few weeks ago my boss called me into her office and let me know that I might be getting laid off. She didn't know for sure, and she was really sorry, I was a great employee, yadda yadda yadda. But she wanted to look out for me, and for me to look out for myself. She even set me up with another job interview. Being at work was really hard after that. When things were good, it was hard because I felt like I was going to be out of there at any minute. When things were bad it sucked because it felt pointless.

But it made me re-evaluate things. I really want to have my dog tee business, but it's not off the ground yet. I really want to be a writer but the book's not done yet and I don't have an agent. My job has been to make other people's creative visions happen. And sometimes I get to interject some of my own creativity - sometimes it's a collaboration with the photographers, but sometimes it's not and I just feel like an administrator. So then I started thinking that this was a really good thing. I made some phone calls, I got some opportunities lined up for freelancing part time while I did my own thing.

And then my boss called today - from her home, she's on vacation right now. She told me my job was safe, and wanted to make sure I hadn't found anyting else yet. I'm having mixed emotions. On the one hand, I feel like the girl on "America's Next Top Model" who Tyra tells she's got to cut someone... and then lowers her head and whispers, "Congratulations, you are still in the running for becoming America's next top model." I want to flap my hands a little and tear up.  I want to tell Tyra that I'm going to get my act together and she doesn't have to worry about me being a diva when it comes to body paint anymore.

But then there's the other part of me that's dissapointed, that feels like this window just closed and this is where I'm going to be forever, making other people's visions come to life.

I need to find a middle ground with this - I know what I want to do, adn I can still do it. I don't have to be unemployed to get my book published or my dog site out to the word. And when I'm ready to go out on my own, I'll know it. I won't need an economic crisis to give me that final push.